id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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