i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
