just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
