That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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