This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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