Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
