Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
