OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
