Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
