Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
