is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
