Your face is a jimmy john
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
