I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
