dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
