I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
