I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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