I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
