all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
