Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
