i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
