why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
