It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
