I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
