The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
