I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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