True but thats because hes a fetus.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
