how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
