Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
