i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
