just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
