Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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