i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
