I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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