i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
