He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
