I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
