I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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