She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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