yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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