He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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