mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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