I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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