I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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