So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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