Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
