Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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