It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
