Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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