So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
