Will you blow on my dice?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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