I'm jealous of your bromance
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
