absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
