a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
