I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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