I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
