My balls are so social today.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
