I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
